14 Nov 7 Tips for Finding Peace After Divorce
It may seem unusual to hear a divorce attorney giving advice on making peace, but in truth, divorce lawyers want their clients to be happy. They want to see happy clients and happy kids. No one wants to see a case dissolve into chaos and hate. Sadly, when two people get divorced, there can be a lot of anger, resentment, and malevolence. Every married couple faces challenges, whether divorcing or not. The attorneys of Klok Law Firm LLC understand that marriage can be hard and divorce can be harder. Each of these will not apply to everyone, but here are seven general tips for finding peace after divorce.
Have A Plan
Whether starting a business, taking a long vacation, or going through a divorce, it helps to have a plan. You can’t plan for everything, but it can be very helpful to take a couple minutes to write down on paper your action plan. Include:
● What do I want to achieve from my divorce?
● What are my non-negotiables?
● What am I willing to compromise?
● What do I think my spouse’s non-negotiables be?
● What will my spouse likely be willing to compromise?
● What do I want my life to look like after the divorce is over?
● What are my absolute priorities?
Your own unique list will likely have many other questions on it, depending on your specific circumstances. But the main thing is to put pen to paper and articulate your goals and desires. This can help a lot when things get rough because you can turn back to this list and remind yourself of your goals. Not to mention, it can make your lawyer’s job much easier, because he or she will have a clear picture of what matters most to you.
Keep Things in Writing
When dealing with an angry or resentful spouse, words matter. In the heat of the moment, many couples say things they regret. While we never suggest using electronic communications to trap your spouse or bait them into an argument, it is generally helpful to have an agreed-upon format for handling parenting and divorce-related communications. There are great services and smartphone applications available for this very purpose.
Don’t engage in heat-of-the-moment debates and arguments. Calmly let your spouse know that whatever the disagreement, you will think it over and get back to him or her shortly. Consider your response. Sleep on it if you can. Consider the possible responses you will receive if you say what you want to say. Ultimately ask yourself whether your response will achieve or hinder your goals. When ready, then respond through the agreed-upon format. If the issue is serious and requires your attorney’s advice, contact your attorney to discuss the appropriate actions.
Stick with the Facts
Keep your written responses limited to facts. Avoid emotional or personal attacks at all costs. Do not engage in petty comments or sarcasm (it doesn’t work in writing anyway).
Establish Your Support Group
It is imperative you maintain a close friend or confidant who can be there to support you. However, since confidentiality can be an issue, make sure you let your lawyer know who you plan to talk to about your case and what you will share. There are a lot of things your lawyer may advise you not to share.
Remember that You Loved Each Other
If you can try to remember that at some point this person was important to you. At some point, he or she made you happy. Things may have changed, but if you take time to remember the good moments, you may be able to better find compassion and empathy for that person. This can go a long way toward diffusing arguments and, more broadly, finding peace after divorce.
If You Have Children, Keep Them in Mind
If you have children together, focus on that. Remember that of all the things you may truly dislike about your spouse, this person also gave you children. Despite faults and flaws, this person has that in common with you. And while you may dislike your spouse now, your children probably never will. Children will love that parent no matter what. Respect that, and protect your children from your anger or resentment.
Contact An Attorney For Help
Many people have a goal in mind: finding peace after divorce. Don’t go through it alone. Contact the attorneys of Klok Law Firm LLC in Mt. Pleasant. With decades of experience, Rhett and Suzanne Klok are available to take on even the most challenging cases and help you accomplish your goals.